Sunday, August 8, 2010

Shark Week on The Discovery Channel should come with a disclaimer

We like the beach. We spend as much time there as life allows. In between the important things like MUST see TV and work. It's a time for my Mr. and me to spend time outdoors without getting carried off by mosquitos. WE HAVE SOME BIG BUGS IN THESE PARTS!

But there are dangers at the beach, besides seeing men wear Speedos (which nature dictates SHOULD NEVER BE DONE) and seeing woman of ALL sizes in teeny-tiny bikinis. I watched some of the shows on the Discovery Channel during Shark Week these last few days (in between MUST see TV shows, of course). From them I learned things like "sharks don't care if you're not really the kind of food they like, they WILL bite you anyway but the good news is they don't USUALLY eat you entirely" and "if you grab a sharks nose it will stun them for 3.5 seconds and you can swim away VERY FAST".

Fast forward to our beach visit yesterday. The water was a pleasant 89 degrees and the sun was not beating on us like it can tend to do. We pulled out our snorkel gear. I know, avid sportsmen right? And proceeded to float around looking at the bottom of the sea which by the way only had shells laying on it. Where was all the sea life? Not one to settle for disappointment I grabbed a large shell and began digging for sand dollars or lost diamond rings. I didn't find either, dammit! I stood up to voice my disappointment to Pat and he was GONE. My mind flew right to every episode of shark shows that I have seen in my life. He was shark food, I just knew it.

Nevermind that we were only in 3 feet of water. I envisioned his snorkel full of water as the shark dragged him out to his favorite dining reef. I scanned  the horizon for his red snorkel bobbing in the water. NOTHING! He was just gone. I stumbled out of the water on the verge of tears thinking there aren't even any damn lifeguards on this beach who am I gonna tell that my husband has been eaten by a GREAT WHITE SHARK? You know that sick feeling you get in your stomach when you take your young kid to the mall and you turn around and they're gone? I had that exact feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't like at the mall where they can have 100 people looking for your kid in a few seconds. HE WAS IN THE OCEAN!!

Now my mind wandered to how I was going to get home by myself. We drove his car, which is a 6 speed. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT! Great! My husband is shark food and I'm stuck at the beach where the shark ate him. I know it was an odd thought to have but  I'm not a rational person when I'm stressed. I put my snorkel and mask in my bag determined to NEVER go in the water again and as I stood up with tears in my eyes (seriously. And yes I know now that I overreacted )  There was some blurry guy waving to me.  Not just any guy, MY GUY. He didn't get eaten by a shark or even bit for that matter! I totally blamed the tears on the salt water.

I'm thinking Shark Week next year will go without me seeing a single show! In fact, I'm considering blocking the Discovery Channel from my TV all together.

1 comment:

  1. Adam and I watched shark week too! I need to start my story by telling you that when I first found out I was pregnant Adam wanted to decorate the babys room in Surfing stuff...(apparently a few years before meeting me, him and his "girlfriend at the time" went to Hawaii where he got to surf and "it was just so much fun!!!") Anyways after he explained his reason I told him I didn't want to do his room in surf boards and I opted for forest animals against his wishes!

    On to my shark week story... We were watching shark week and they were explaining how all these surfers were subjects of shark attacks during a surf contest. He then decides to pick up my son and show him the surfers (the ones that haven't been eaten yet) and he tells him I am going to take you to THAT beach (the one that had like 6 shark attacks in one day) to go surfing as soon as you get big enough... Needless to say that started an argument and I have made a mental note that he will not be taking Dayton anywhere on the east coast without me with him.