Friday, August 6, 2010

Finding Self-Esteem

In my tween years (way before that was a real word) I was painfully skinny. Not thin, SKINNY. I prayed for curves. In my teens and early twenties I was still praying. Then I got pregnant and had curves galore but they were fleeting and after my son was born the stork that brought him left with my new curves. I wore clothes in styles that were way too old for me. Maybe it was the way my currently ex-husband left me feeling like the things that were important to him weren't big enough. Damage that took A LONG time to fix. I continued to live in clothes that were better suited for a thrift store or my great aunts closet.

After my second pregnancy I kept some of the curves and A LOT of the weight but felt better about myself. I most definitely attribute it to losing the weight of a husband to divorce and finding a best friend who soon after became my new and improved husband. I very slowly shed the wardrobe and started wearing things more age appropriate. My Mr. likes how I look in shorter skirts and lower cut tops. I kinda like it too.  Except, now the clothes I like are more suited to my youngest nieces closet and I am clearly too old to wear them. I can't seem to fit the self-esteem I have at any certain time in my life to the clothes that I should be wearing.

I ordered a very cute dress from Old Navy that I saw in a magazine. The model wasn't so young she would get carded to buy beer so I thought it might be age appropriate for me. I wasn't able to find it in the store to try on so I took a leap of faith and ordered it in a large.

It kinda sucks though that it took me 40-ish years to be comfortable in clothes that I look good in.

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