Over the following couple of weeks we shared and cried and I learned thing that I wish I'd never learned. Things I can't control yet very serious things that affect every moment of both my daughters life and that of her sweet baby girl. The potential for pain that I would throw my body over to keep it from touching either of them. I can't make decisions for her and all though I can share past experiences that left me scarred and more than a little less trusting I can't force her to keep herself from living the same hell.
I'm trying so hard to remind myself that her situation isn't identical to mine. But I see in her eyes the less than carefree life she should be having with her bright eyed little girl. The freedom to enjoy watching her transform from a newborn to a inquisitive baby seems overshadowed by...I don't know...it's more than responsibility of being a new mommy. It's the weight of the world, her world. As much as I want to erase that look from her eyes I'm powerless to do anything. Helpless to kiss it and make it all better.
I long for that feeling that I felt when she clung to me at the airport like I could keep her from drowning. On that day I also believed that I could, I wish I still had that feeling.