Thursday, August 25, 2011

Reason #46545 That I am NOT Mother of the Year

I don't do sick! I especially don't do sick kids who are mine.

I know, I'm horrible. I feed them, love them, don't make them eat lima beans or brussel sprouts and I slip them $20.00 more times than I can count BUT a nurse I'M NOT.

Short term sick, I can fake my way through. But anything past .5 hours and I'm OVER IT.

How do people with medically fragile children do it? They must have magic powers or powerful medication (for them, not the sick child). Really, they deserve trophies, super hero capes and exotic vacations!

My oldest is having some stomach issues that required a short hospitalization earlier this month. Everyday for the last several weeks I have called him to ask how his tummy is feeling. My brain is thinking please say "I'm ready for an all you can eat buffet of extra hot chicken wings". So far that hasn't happened. He's staying with his father (which for the record, I HATE). Apparently he is a much more nurturing parent than I am. I'm figuring he can step up now cause God knows he was no where to be found during all the parent teacher conferences and trips to the mall for school clothes.

My youngest has migraines. I'm not a totally terrible mother, I give him migraine medicine when he has one BUT I also make him go to school. It should be noted that he throws up with his headaches and I still send him to school. Duh, there is a nurse at the school!

When he woke up with a headache this morning (only 4 days into the school year) I gave him medicine and sent him to catch his ride to school. It was about 6:45 this morning. By 7:25 the school was calling me to pick him up. I did. I didn't even make him walk home. Take that, ex-husband who thinks he's the perfect parent! When I got there, the nurse lectures me for sending my kid to school (on the 4th day) feeling like he was going to throw up. In my defense he didn't actually hurl at school. It's not like I sent him to a building full of thousands of kids with a raging case of  *insert nasty contagious disease here*. It was a freaking headache, which the medication would have stopped if given just an hour or so. She tells me I can bring him back when his headache is gone. Whatever!

I bet they're not gonna be so thrilled that I'm taking him out of school for 4 days to go on a cruise. A cruise which I demand NO ONE be sick on!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I've had headaches F.O.R.E.V.E.R. Not just headaches but headaches! Stay in bed, in the dark, with the covers over my head and pop prescription medicine like Pez headaches.

Not such a big deal when I was single or newly married but throw a kid into the mix and I don't care how much it feels like your body is going to start hurling everything you ate since you were two years old, that kid has to eat. 

Kids are like super spies! I don't care how fine you tell them you are when they are 3 or 4 they smell weakness and POUNCE!

It didn't take me long to channel this ability and teach my 3 year old toddler to rub my forehead until the pain was bearable. His little hand would massage my forehead for a whole half  hour of cartoons without batting an eye. I think I had the only pre-kindergarten child on the planet that would stand in the door of my darkened bedroom and ask me if I had a headache. Whether I answered or not he would crawl up next to me and start rubbing my forehead. He saved me from scooping my brains out through my ears with a melon baller many times.

Fast forward 17ish years and he is the only person who can massage away a headache that is threatening to dislodge my eyes from their sockets and send them sailing across the room. And he still knows when I have a headache long before I ask him to rub my forehead.

The only times in my life that I didn't have headaches was both times I was pregnant. I think that's called the Michelle Duggar Headache Relief Plan. Not very practical for me. I'll just stay with the visits to Dr. Awesome and the forehead massages that my first born has perfected.