Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Blooming Relationship

For the last two and a half years the relationship that I've managed to share with Lily has been somewhat stunted. Admittedly, it was mostly self imposed. Generally out of fear I suppose. I wanted so desperately to share what my Grandma and I shared that I was afraid to stretch and reach for that special bond. What if it was torn away? I almost allowed fear to cause me to miss out on the most precious of relationships.

I also allowed another person to form the connection that I was willing to settle for with my only granddaughter. I gave him the ability to control how much I was willing to share with her. I'm angry.

I will not lose any more time letting him or anyone else dictate what kind of bond Lily and I share. I have big plans for us. I want to experience seasons and holidays with her. I've missed too many already.

This past weekend we shared our first of many holiday traditions together. Fall is a hard season to experience in Florida. Pumpkin patches are little more than tents with various size pumpkins lined in rows. And temperatures are 80 plus but experience it, we did.

I have lost time to make up for and seasons and holidays to look forward to.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Having grown up with a cat. I knew eventually I would have another one at some point. I knew most certainly it would be a female. She would purr loudly and ideally she would be a rescue.

Enter Lucy!

I saw a sign at PetSmart that said our local cat rescue had cats for adoption available there. I had planned a trip to Target next door but ventured into visit the kitties not thinking for a second that one would steal my heart the way this one did.

Secretly, I had a pretty long list of criteria for my imaginary pet.
1. Must be blonde.
2. Must have thumbs. A Hemmingway cat. Polydactyl.
3. Again, Female.
4. Must purr, Loudly.
5. Must LOVE to be held.

I reached in, stroked her soft fur. She looked at me with her beautiful green eyes and I was hooked.

No blonde fur. No extra toe. No purring. Wouldn't let me hold her if my life depended on it. NOTHING that I wanted but everything that I needed. She needed me to take her home. A forever home.

A home where she promptly took up residence under the cabinet in our bathroom. Refusing to be touched.

Thankfully, she just needed time and patience. She's still not crazy about being held but when I rub her belly she purrs LOUDLY.

For the next couple of months we're having an extended sleep over which includes one additional cat, a small dog, a beautiful curly haired toddler and her mom. Lucy's not too pleased with others using her litter box or eating her food. She makes this noise deep in her throat that resembles what I imagine a mountain lion sounds like right before it eats you. She's much happier about the human little person and her mom.

 Sometimes how things actually turn out are SO MUCH BETTER than how they are imagined!
This kitty loves with her whole body. She rubs and purrs and is everything I never knew I wanted.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Her, Revisted

I started this little blog, in my little corner of the internet because I needed somewhere to put all the words and feeling that were taking up so much space in my mind about Her. That was so long ago. August 2010.

Even now, I can barely bring myself to reread my own words. In an instant I can relive that day. It was equally one of the best days of my life and one of the most terrifying. I held the granddaughter that I had waited my whole life to meet and I felt the terror that my daughter released as she let me hold her and shed tears that she had held inside so bravely for so long.

I wanted to let her crumble and tell her it was okay I would put the pieces back together for her but I couldn't. She was stronger than that. She gave chances, where circumstances didn't deserve chances. Benefits of the doubt were afforded to those who certainly didn't deserve it. She gave her little family more than a fighting chance to bloom.

But now choices have been made. She's done what she thinks is best for herself and her little girl. She made the best of a less than ideal situation and she will never  have to say that she didn't give it her all. I am so very, very proud of her.

I've watched her make decisions that are not easy to make. I've seen her put her daughter above everything else. She is the mother I knew she wanted to be when she stepped off that airplane that hot August afternoon.

I wanted so desperately to save her. To keep her from drowning in the hurt. But, she didn't need me to save her. She's strong and independent and such a good mother. She's going to be just fine.

And this beautiful curly haired granddaughter that we are so lucky to have is loved beyond words. She's going to be just fine too.