Thursday, October 14, 2010

Well, it happened. I showed my ass.

As my mom and my husband will attest, I keep clothes FOREVER! It's not that I'm opposed to spending money on new clothes. God knows I am the queen of retail therapy! If my clothes could talk there would be conversations from high school to today (yes, I bought clothes today). I have clothes with tags still on them ( I know, that's a symptom of hoarding. Lets pretend it's not, K?).

My uniform for work consists of khaki pants and button down oxford shirts with company logos on them. I have 5 pair of pants that are carefully rotated (to be worn evenly) by my super awesome laundry lady (thanks, Mom). Don't be all judge-y that I have a laundry lady, I pay her. Not as much s she's worth though, she deserves a raise. That's a post for later.

I started out with 5 pair of the exact same pants and over the last year or so I've weeded them out and replaced them with new.  Mostly because I tend to stain ALL of my clothes pretty much like a 2 year old. I do have one pair of my original pants left. They are softly worn and pretty comfy.

Today I wore those.

I tend to go out to my car at lunch to decompress. I strolled across the parking lot to my car and opened the door. Side note: my car looks like a homeless person lives in it.  Candy wrappers, bank receipts, straw wrappers, pretty much anything that will fit into the compartment on the bottom of the door. When I opened the door some of my junk spilled out onto the parking lot. I bent down to pick it up and it happened.  I felt the fabric split and a breeze caressed my heiny.

My first thought was to drive home and NEVER go back to work but that isn't really practical so I got into the car and drove to Target.  I waited until there wasn't a soul in the parking lot to see my not-so-perky behind peeking out of my pants. When the coast was clear, I walked quickly (with my purse strategically placed) into the store. I kept my back to the walls and walked the whole perimeter of the store to save my self what dignity I had left. I grabbed the first pair of khaki pants in my size and sashayed to the checkout. Praying under my breath that no one got behind me. With a quick swipe of my debit card I was out of there and sprinting to my car. I made it with my pride mostly intact. After a quick change I was back to work.

On my way out to my car after work I stopped to tinkle. As I unfastened my new pants the button fell off and bounced across the bathroom floor directly towards the drain in the floor. I practically dove on it to keep it from being lost forever.

The bright side is that I have two new pair of pants for work. I am also very closely examining my remaining pairs.


  1. omg im crying right now lmfaoo!

  2. That happen to me once. I was on my way to close a loan ( yes I was a mortgage lender ) and my zipper broke, now it was in the front of my pants so I took them off and put my pants on backwards and pinned them hopeing no one would see the broken zipper and the backward pants I wore...

  3. I'm still laughing after rereading this story. Only you could write something so incredibly funny about something so embarrassing. As long as you can laugh at yourself, honey, your therapy is actually working. (I told you those pants were getting thin)lol

  4. Too funny! I had a similar embarrassing story. I was pregnant & at work. I had morning sickness as a lot of pregnant women do. However this was my 2nd child & my muscles aren't what they used to be. That's right...while heaving I peed my pants AT WORK. I waited until the coast was clear & ran back to my desk. I have a floor length sweater jacket that I put on ASAP. I had to ask to go home. Unlike you Shelley, I crawled home in shame & took a sick day.