Survival

I hate when I get things I've heard mixed up. Like tips on surviving wild animal attacks.

Today seemed like a good day for a walk at lunch. I knew a departure from my normal nap was not a good idea but I did it anyway. I shoulda known I was just asking for trouble.

There is A LOT of water and nature-y, weedy areas near the building where I work. I'm careful to scan the grass for critters when I'm walking next to it on the sidewalk. Every now and then frogs and such jump to the sidewalk. Kinda cute. NOT today!

All was good; I was enjoying my little walk until I saw it. A GIANT BLACK SNAKE! It was practically on the sidewalk. It was coiled up in a ball about the size of....I can't even tell you. It was BIG and its head was all perked up with its tongue flicking all around.  They smell with their tongues, don't they? I'm sure I smelled like grade A prime rib! I knew it was important to know what it looked like in case it bit me. You know, so the coroner could tell everyone what kind of snake bite I died from. I was afraid to look at it. Do I make eye contact? What animal is it that you don't look right in the eyes? Would that be a sign of aggression causing him to spit poisonous junk in my eye? It totally could have been a spitting cobra! Or maybe I was thinking of Medusa and her snake hair. It's hard to concentrate when you're about to be eaten by a snake. My brain was screaming RUN, but what if it chased me? They do chase prey, right? Or was I supposed to stand there and pretend I was dead so it would slither away? Now that I'm safely FAR away from the snake I remember it's a bear you're supposed to play dead for.

What I really wanted was for a knight in shining armor with a shovel to rescue me and fling the killer snake into the water. I waited for about 2.3 seconds but no one showed up so I RAN FAST.  It's hard to think clearly when standing in the face of death but looking back it may not have been that big, but it was a SNAKE and that's all that matters!