Friday, September 3, 2010

Firsts and Lasts

A month or so ago I found out that my position at my job is being relocated further away from my house than where I currently work.  That means leaving everything work related that I am familiar with and forming new comforts.  NOT ideal for someone who accepts and adapts to change very slowly.

I'm finding myself thinking about every little task.  Wondering if this will be the last time I do this or that.  I know that as I approach the moving date in a couple of months I'm going to find myself doing this ritual even more often.  The last time I stop at this gas station on the way to work or the last time I put certain files in certain places.  I can feel it driving me crazy as I voice it.

We had a distant family member pass away a couple of weeks ago.  We hadn't seen him in a year or so.  Would we have had a different conversation if I knew it was going to be our last? I tell my family that I love them every time we part.  What if it's the last time I got to say it or the last time they heard me tell them?  I know some people who think that saying it all the time make it less meaningful or believable but for me I don't say it unless I mean it. EVERYTIME.

A couple of weeks ago I got to spend a wonderful evening with our granddaughter and I watched her stand next to our couch on wobbly legs like she was just going to start walking.  It was the first time I saw her stand by herself. I probably won't see her first steps or many first milestones so I'm sad that I know the memory of her standing there so sure of herself will fade in time.  If I knew that while she was standing there would I have watched just a little longer? Probably.

Our grandsons will be visiting in a few short days. I'm hoping to catch some of their firsts with my camera. The first jump into the pool. The smiles that our newest little one is learning. I obviously won't know which things will be the last time that I see but I'm sure there will be some.

We're not meant to recognize the firsts and lasts of all of lifes moments. It makes more sense to cherish each moment individually and if there are a hundred more like it we'll be VERY lucky and if a moment is the only one of its kind that's lucky too.

1 comment:

  1. Yep. My babies are adorable. Just have dad take lots of pictures. That's right I said Dad. Your hands are all wobbly like & the firsts & lasts will look like blobs :) No offense or anything :)