Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I Walked. I Know, I'm Surprised Too!

Needing a little stress relief I decided to take a walk. Just my music and me.  I should have taken a camera because this could have been a photo essay of EPIC proportions!

Oh, I should also mention that I also took with me an insulated cup with a built in straw ( a sippy cup of sorts) full of slushy alcoholic lemonade.

I learned:
  • We have a REALLY big neighborhood with streets I didn't even know existed. You know how on a map, Washington DC is only about 6 inches from Florida? Yeah, that. I knew my house had to be around the next corner BUT IT WASN'T!

  • It's HOT when you're walking 49864938 miles. I had sucked all the liquid out of my slushy about 2 blocks in and was cussing my damn insulated cup that refused to melt the ice into something that would travel up the straw.

  • Geez, our neighborhood has A LOT of dogs. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. barked at me as I was walking by. I turned up my music and kept walking.  Oh, and stray cats BITE! They look like they're gonna be all friendly but NO! Luckily none broke the skin because I just know one probably had rabies!

  • Which brings me to, just because you can't hear a car honking behind you ( because Elton John is singing Bennie and the Jets in your ear, loudly) DOESN'T mean it's not there. The drivers lips were moving when I looked up. I don't read lips but something tells me he wasn't being very nice.

  • It's also apparently not appropriate to stand in front of someone elses house and breath deeply for several minutes because they are grilling steak that smelled like HEAVEN. I ran a little bit when the front door opened.

  • If your garage door is open and there isn't enough room for daylight to shine through, I'm gonna assume you're a hoarder and might be calling TLC as we speak.

  • A lot of cars in my neighborhood have parts held on with duct tape/ clear packing tape or some other non-auto adhesive.

  • I also was briefly educated about the food chain. There was a hawk flying over head. Awwww, nature. Until I noticed a GIANT frog dangling from his talons (I learned that word from Napoleon Dynamite. Education at it's finest). At first I thought it was circling to pick my bones dry when I died of heat exhaustion and thirst. But no, it chose the frog over me so YEA!

  • Finally, I'd like to tell my Home Owners Association to SUCK IT because our house does not have silk, plastic or wooden flowers "planted" in our yard. Nor do we have plastic chlorine tablet buckets posing as flower pots with weeds growing higher than the flowers. Our house is practically the Taj Mahal of our neighborhood compared to what I witnessed.
Next time I'm definitely taking a camera. And water!

Edited because I also remembered that I should always put money in my pocket when I walk because I passed the ice cream truck twice!


  1. In our neighborhood, the people with the garage doors open just a crack are the people who smoke, but don't want to smoke outside where people might see them.

  2. Excellent writing Shelly! Good post!