I woke up feeling the now too familiar heartache of loss just seconds after opening my eyes. What began as small cracks have opened into great, painful, open wounds on my heart. I stood in the shower letting my tears mingle with the hot water raining down on me. I begged God to let me understand why a man that was so gentle and loving could be taken so early in his life and with no warning. Aside from knowing that He made his death as easy on our family as He could I'm still searching for the why. There is no answer.
How can the man who made my mom so happy and who became a Dad to my sister and me be gone? He was here last week on this very day! And now I'm forced to accept that God called him home MUCH earlier than we were ready for.
I watched my mom use every ounce of strength to comfort others while enduring her own devastating heartbreak of losing her husband today. I watched her accept condolences from the many, many people who's lives were touched by the great man that was my Dad. He wasn't my father but he was my Dad in every sense of the word!
I heard the words "it gets easier" and "it won't always hurt this much" but blended with the tears and the heart ache, I'm just not convinced. Life will go on but there will always be a gaping hole left in my heart by the missing piece that he took to Heaven with him.
I do thank God that he took him peacefully and with little or no pain and that he let him be my Dad for 25 years or so but I could have used another 25 years.
That still wouldn't be enough.