I started this little blog, in my little corner of the internet because I needed somewhere to put all the words and feeling that were taking up so much space in my mind about Her. That was so long ago. August 2010.
Even now, I can barely bring myself to reread my own words. In an instant I can relive that day. It was equally one of the best days of my life and one of the most terrifying. I held the granddaughter that I had waited my whole life to meet and I felt the terror that my daughter released as she let me hold her and shed tears that she had held inside so bravely for so long.
I wanted to let her crumble and tell her it was okay I would put the pieces back together for her but I couldn't. She was stronger than that. She gave chances, where circumstances didn't deserve chances. Benefits of the doubt were afforded to those who certainly didn't deserve it. She gave her little family more than a fighting chance to bloom.
But now choices have been made. She's done what she thinks is best for herself and her little girl. She made the best of a less than ideal situation and she will never have to say that she didn't give it her all. I am so very, very proud of her.
I've watched her make decisions that are not easy to make. I've seen her put her daughter above everything else. She is the mother I knew she wanted to be when she stepped off that airplane that hot August afternoon.
I wanted so desperately to save her. To keep her from drowning in the hurt. But, she didn't need me to save her. She's strong and independent and such a good mother. She's going to be just fine.
And this beautiful curly haired granddaughter that we are so lucky to have is loved beyond words. She's going to be just fine too.