My Window To The World

My husbands go-to Christmas gifts for me usually include filmy, never-left-on-for-more-than-two-minutes, lingerie. And bless his heart he really thinks that I look good in them. Even with his glasses on. I usually get bubble bath too. Cause mama LOVES her bubble baths. And for good measure some kitchen gadget that we probably needed for a while but found on sale at Christmas time. Practical and romantic, I think I'll keep him.

Anyway, two years ago he was struck by a bolt of genius and I found a laptop computer wrapped under the tree.Yes, the smaller box had lingerie, but I can't expect him to quit cold turkey. Well,  I didn't know it was genius at the time because honestly, I couldn't see that I'd ever have a need for a portable computer. Or any computer for that matter. Seemed like a pretty expensive way to play Solitaire, because really that all I knew how to do on our dinosaur of a desk top computer.

Fast forward to now, HOW DID I EVER LIVE WITHOUT MY LAPTOP WARMING, WELL MY LAP, FOR ALL THESE YEARS?  I can almost always be found sitting on my bed with my window to the world in my lap.

This 14 inch screen absolutely is my tiny connection to everything outside my four walls.

I read blogs (LOTS OF BLOGS) and I *may* pretend that these people that don't even know me are friends. Instant friends, who knew.

Facebook has become a staple, akin only to the importance of dark chocolate in my life. I've reconnected with high school friends. I've enmeshed myself into the lives of my family and their friends. Hi Carlee! I've had conversations with people I thought were long gone from my life just because they happened to by online at exactly the same time as me. If that's not fate then I don't know what it is.

Twitter and it's 140 character maximum amuse me and provide me with all the must need to know news like who got arrested. *cough* Nicolas Cage *cough* And which movies are worth seeing and which ones can wait til Redbox. You know IMPORTANT stuff.

And lastly, this blog. My corner of the internet. My sanity when my kids teacher calls me at work AGAIN. A place to share my opinion of things like, oh, my homeowners association. Who can SUCK IT because my quarterly dues are 2 weeks overdue!  The checks in the mail. And I can amuse my friends every now and then with my observations of mundane and boring things like getting a computer for Christmas 2 years ago.

Beth, this is the best I can do today for your "fix". Love Ya!

I Walked. I Know, I'm Surprised Too!

Needing a little stress relief I decided to take a walk. Just my music and me.  I should have taken a camera because this could have been a photo essay of EPIC proportions!

Oh, I should also mention that I also took with me an insulated cup with a built in straw ( a sippy cup of sorts) full of slushy alcoholic lemonade.

I learned:

• We have a REALLY big neighborhood with streets I didn't even know existed. You know how on a map, Washington DC is only about 6 inches from Florida? Yeah, that. I knew my house had to be around the next corner BUT IT WASN'T!

• It's HOT when you're walking 49864938 miles. I had sucked all the liquid out of my slushy about 2 blocks in and was cussing my damn insulated cup that refused to melt the ice into something that would travel up the straw.

• Geez, our neighborhood has A LOT of dogs. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. barked at me as I was walking by. I turned up my music and kept walking.  Oh, and stray cats BITE! They look like they're gonna be all friendly but NO! Luckily none broke the skin because I just know one probably had rabies!

• Which brings me to, just because you can't hear a car honking behind you ( because Elton John is singing Bennie and the Jets in your ear, loudly) DOESN'T mean it's not there. The drivers lips were moving when I looked up. I don't read lips but something tells me he wasn't being very nice.

• It's also apparently not appropriate to stand in front of someone elses house and breath deeply for several minutes because they are grilling steak that smelled like HEAVEN. I ran a little bit when the front door opened.

• If your garage door is open and there isn't enough room for daylight to shine through, I'm gonna assume you're a hoarder and might be calling TLC as we speak.

• A lot of cars in my neighborhood have parts held on with duct tape/ clear packing tape or some other non-auto adhesive.

• I also was briefly educated about the food chain. There was a hawk flying over head. Awwww, nature. Until I noticed a GIANT frog dangling from his talons (I learned that word from Napoleon Dynamite. Education at it's finest). At first I thought it was circling to pick my bones dry when I died of heat exhaustion and thirst. But no, it chose the frog over me so YEA!

• Finally, I'd like to tell my Home Owners Association to SUCK IT because our house does not have silk, plastic or wooden flowers "planted" in our yard. Nor do we have plastic chlorine tablet buckets posing as flower pots with weeds growing higher than the flowers. Our house is practically the Taj Mahal of our neighborhood compared to what I witnessed.

Next time I'm definitely taking a camera. And water!

Edited because I also remembered that I should always put money in my pocket when I walk because I passed the ice cream truck twice!

Faith

I think most people do things without really knowing why they do them.

I've never been really religious. Sure I have faith and God knows it has gotten me through the darkest times of my life. But I'm not sure that that faith is Catholicism as much as just accepting and trusting that somewhere there is someone responsible for and bigger than everything.

I pray for things that sometimes don't happen, which in hindsight is perfect because I wouldn't have met and married my sweetie if the prayers I said at the time had been granted. Or maybe they were granted the way I meant them but not the way I voiced them in my head. The prayers I've said in recent years (the most important of my life) have been granted exactly as I asked for them. I pray in the bathtub (What? God doesn't care where I'm talking to him from) or in the car but never in a church.

I spent many Sunday mornings with my Grandma and Grandpa at church but it was more to be with them than because I wanted to go to church. We could have been sitting at a McDonald instead of church and I probably would have felt the same way. Maybe whatever faith I do have came to me on those Sundays?

I have a crucifix in my living room that was a gift from my Grandparents and one in our bedroom that was given to us after the death of my father-in-law. I look at them often but not so much as a religious beacon but as part of the memories that mean so much to me.

My oldest son has taken to wearing a rosary as a necklace. It's a beautiful rosary but it kinda bothers me that it's worn as a piece of jewelry than prayed to as it is intended. I don't even know how to say the rosary so why it bothers me I'm not sure. Yeah, I could google it and I'm sure there is some person on YouTube that will explain how to say the prayers associated with the rosary but in my mind it wouldn't make God anymore likely to hear me than if I was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Him.

He hears me anyway.

Together

I listen as he breathes evenly and slips into sleep. Cherishing every night that we share the same bed.

I watch the rise and fall of his chest. Sometimes placing my hand gently on him just to feel his heart beat.

I breathe in his scent and thank God that He allowed him to drop into my life when I least expected it but when it was perfectly timed.

Thirteen years ago today we entwined our lives and hearts together. Marrying not only each other but our children. Blending them together so that his became mine and mine became his. Our children. Our lives together.

No lavish wedding (been there, done that). Just us, a small group of  family and friends and the knowledge that we had each found the person that made both of us better. Hoping to grow it into the makings of a great love story. And we have.

I've learned so much about myself in the years since we both decided to enter our second marriages on April 1, 1998. We've shared our hopes and dreams. Our fears and the challenges of our pasts. 

Promises made to each other that our hands will always find the others as we walk side by side. Facing whatever the future holds.

Often he holds my head above water when I feel as though I am unable to do it myself. When I'm unsure of when the blues will move away enough to let me breathe and not feel as though I'm suffocating. He makes me feel safe and holds me without saying a word.

I never question that our commitment to each other is forever and that we will grow old together.

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!